Saturday, December 12, 2009

before 5 years plAn...

I used to have a plan of when to achieve certain things in life. The so called 5 years plan, 10 years plan and so on. I used to certain that I will achieve most of it when the time materialized. With determination, efforts, discipline and Allah’s will, it sure will. I’m too used to lump everything inside my brain. Everything under the sun. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. I forgot when I pick up this habit but it taking a toll on me. I live my life with expectation, hopes and anxiety. Until the day that I learn that life is full with surprises. Like it should, there are always the unplanned things. The once so certain becomes less certain.

In the end, I just thrown everything I have plan for myself. For it not a disappointment or giving up on life but the fact that nothing is certain in this life scared me. Felt like I can’t dream anymore. I just live myself like tomorrow is 1000 years to come. Living the moments because yesterdays’ made me scared of days to come. It’s not the life I want to because I have nothing to push me ahead.
Finally I realized that no matter how hard I want things to turn out my way or no matter how bad I want certain things, there’s one thing I can’t hide from. His will.

It took sometimes for me to reason the why but I’m thankful I’m now. Now, I’m putting my life on His hand. I hand to Him my ‘everything under the sun’. It’s not that I’m not taking any responsibility towards my life. It just that I’m reasoning with the saying of everything that we have is not actually ours. So I told myself that until He said so, the sun will always be there and the moon will occasionally lighten the dark night. For things that I want the most, I ask from Him harder. For all I know that He always listen and he would never give more than the shoulders can carry

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