Wednesday, February 29, 2012

about having nothing and knowing nothing...

My biggestttttttttttttt problem is I’m too comfortable with ‘me and just me…’ no matter how great the ‘me and Mr.Darcy’ is or will or would be, I always wonder and longing for the ‘me and just me’ time. Most of the time it was full with nothing but I love having nothing or knowing nothing… 

I’m spoiling myself too much and there are lots of thought about ‘me and just me’ that I live with. 

The thing is I don’t mind having so many things on my desk, or having a long checklist but I hate having so many emotion inside my heart. It just tiring….. 

Now, I’ve been too deep and my hands are tied.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

se demander

it's French for 'wonder'.

I wonder… what will happen if I refuse to grow up? All I want to be is a girl… sweet or not, just a girl without responsibilities, without those hard feeling or without needing of so many things… just heels or chocolate, or both.

I don’t want to want to be a mother. I don’t want to ‘can’t wait to be a great wife…’ and I don’t want to be needed to be anything other than a girl.

He said I can’t be little girl forever… I have to grow up. How I wish I can say ‘NOOOOOOOOO, I don’t want to…’ Then I’ll prove he is right.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

just a smile...

And he said “I like when u smile…” such remark makes me smile even more. But, little did he know that I purposely un-smile when he looks at me…. Especially when I know he knew something that I knew (it’s about works…) or when I owe him something (also about works).  Or when there are too many things on the table… (It’s about works too…) LOL!

Then, he passed by me again… me; pretending reading something on my lappy but smiling… and he said “u know I’m looking at u don’t u?” and I smile even more… and laugh. Then he said “thank you, it really makes my day… bla, bla, bla… At this age, I don’t need much… sometimes just a smile…”

Not always, but I did make his day… 


I’ve been…. during these years, make number of friends… good and dear friends. I’m indeed a good friend who one can rely on.

I’ve been… lately felt that I didn’t make the best out of me.

But, don’t feel like amending it at this very moment because I believe it won’t wash out that easy.

They said that friends comes and go… but true friends will stay.

Here; at this very moment, everything just tearing me apart and the worst is I felt like the outsider… standing in front of a door. I won’t go away nor coming in… hurt it is.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


Do you really believe in what you believe? Did you know, when you want something, and you believe in what you want, the want can actually be believed?

Given a situation, I saw a damn nice heel. And I want that damn nice heel. And I truly believe I want-need-crave for that damn nice heel. The next thing I know, I’m walking in that damn nice heel, not trying walking in it, but walking with Mr.Darcy someplace somewhere. Not because I asked Mr.Darcy to buy it for me but simply because of what I believe. Back to the situation, I saw a damn nice heel. And I want that damn nice heel.  But, I don’t truly believe I want-need-crave for that damn nice heel. Thus, I may or may not walk in that damn nice heel anytime soon. Not until I truly believe that I want-need-crave for that you know what.

There is something I believe from I can’t recall when, I want it and I believe I need and want it for myself. It looks hard then… harder when the time is approaching but it turns out the passage was so simple. It was like it was written, it was indeed but it was in the blink of an eye… makes me felt like my life was in a movie… except that it's not. Then I realized, this ‘something’ is something that I believe, and I believe it’s what I want, thus I shouldn’t be so surprised. But surprise I am.

 Believe it or not? 

-Miss Chocolate Sniffer-

Miss Chocolate Sniffer

Hye, my name is Sid and I’m a chocolate sniffer. 

I run to chocolate more than anything else in my life… but of course it was after Him and my feeling towards my mum. I run to chocolate when I’m sad, happy, felt on my knees, fall in love and everything. Chocolate is always there… 

Every time I went to shop for groceries, you can found me at the chocolate section. Admiring those chocolate and sniffing through the fancy wrapping paper and those gold or silver foil. The feeling; no words could do justice to describe those moments. It brings me to that place called here. I don’t care if everyone is looking but most of the time, I just fail to notice. 

On the second thought, just add “and heels” at the end of the chocolate… LOL! Chocolate and heels are things Mr.Darcy, whether he like it or not, have to tolerate with.

-Miss Chocolate Sniffer-

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

with fancy table top or not...

When it comes to marriage and parenting, I guess I’m quite traditional. I believe that I belong mostly inside the house. Raising the kids with my own two hands and waiting for my husband to come home at the end of the day. I believe it’s not fair to send the kids out at the wee hour and pick them up when they are barely awake. That's not how I want to raise my children. And I don’t think it’s fair to let my husband eating the outside foods more than from the kitchen he so provide, be it with a fancy table top or not. 

Being where I’m now, I do realize that I would not be able to live up my belief. This is an assumption because it would be a very dry, wet and challenging period for me for the next few years. With job that require more attention than my own skin and of course my study. If ever Mr.Darcy allow me to sing and dance around his kitchen anytime soon; with fancy table top or not, I’ll damn freak out. For so many reasons and one of it because I quite believe I couldn’t be that traditional wife and mother I’ve dream so much to be. 

Even if Mr.Darcy said he will be fine with me coming home later than him…